My “Origin Story”
When you become a coach, you’re asked to write your “Origin Story”…
I’ll TRY to keep this one short and not start in the womb. If you’d like to read in more detail about my actual transition to a life free from alcohol, I get into that when I explain why I decided to name my business “mOOOre”.
From as early as I can remember I have been shown that alcohol is how you relieve stress and have fun. Sadly, that does not make me unique in the least. I’m betting just about anyone reading this can relate!
The smell of Budweiser is nostalgic for me. Some of my earliest memories are poolside keg parties circa the age of three or four. Surely the memory sticks because of the swimming and fanbase of 20-somethings doting over me as I served up sassy little quips as if they were my natural peers.
I can’t recall a gathering of any sort that didn’t involve alcohol to some degree.
Even though drinking was modeled as THE thing to do throughout my childhood…
I was not a “drinker” until college. Until then it was all about chasing those A’s and securing that scholarship.
Midway through freshman year, I realized I wanted something different life. It went down something like this…
Me: “Hey dad, so I’ve gotten all the character I’m going to get from playing basketball and I don’t want to do it anymore (I may have said something about wanting to be an actor - maybe that’s where his blood began to boil). I’ve dropped out (scholarship be damned) and gotten an apartment with a lesbian and a stand-up comedian.”
Dad: A bunch of expletives followed by, “Well you can pay for your own shit then!” Click.
I entered the service industry…
For the next 20 years, there were very, very few days without booze.
Sure, I could do a 30 day “cleanse” here and there, no problem - Prove that I wasn’t an “alcoholic”... more on that little illusion in future content (hint: it’s a myth that keeps so many of us imprisoned for way too long).
I’m not exactly sure when drinking for fun became drinking to numb. Was it actually right away…to deal with the fear that came with being disowned, and REALLY being on my own for the 1st time at 19? That was temporary by the way, but my dad didn't speak to me for a year - he’s a very…committed…man.
I’d also just been through my first really nasty break-up (cheating and all that jazz), during finals week…none of these circumstances had ever actually occurred to me until I was asked to write this story.
Whatever it was, I KNEW (from observation) that alcohol was the way to feel better and have a good time. Working in the service industry, I really cemented that drinking worked for me…and I was good at it!
Bull-headed as I was, I was determined to show Dad how wrong he was. So I went on to get a Bachelors on my own (maaaaaybe he knew what he was doing).
I bartended to pay for school (and I drank my face off). I networked (I drank), I bought my own car, I started a career, then my own business, was blessed to meet a wonderful guy who is now my husband, had 2 beautiful babies, we have a nice house, 2 cars, private school tuition…On paper, doing amazing! And all the while drinking “normally”.
But I was starting to wonder - what is really normal?
Daily drinking didn’t really seem ok. Having the bar and cooler stocked for a young child’s birthday party seemed questionable. But we were just doing the same as most of our friends and family…so must not be anything wrong. Right?
Grabbing a drink the second I logged out of work every day wasn’t weird… colleagues did it… especially those that were wrapping up and headed to the frontlines of Kiddo Chaos for the next 3-4 hours.
I seriously believed I NEEDED a drink to transition from a day full of impossible deadlines into “dealing” with my kids. That a drink made me more patience and present.
…maybe 5 or 6…by the time I threw my head on the pillow.
It was this vicious cycle where there was never enough time, never enough energy, but plenty of guilt over the never enough's. To add insult to injury, I would always wake up at 3a or 4a, and my brain would start racing with all of these thoughts and stresses and I couldn’t get back to sleep!
Something inside me begged that there had to be a better way.
I started looking for answers, and learned that you don’t have to be an “alcoholic” or hit “rock bottom” to make change. That idea is so silly after all! If you saw someone struggling in the pool, would you wait until they drowned to help them?
I was able to change my mindset and broke free from that nasty cycle of low energy, guilt and overwhelm. No will-power/white knuckling it! I sleep SO MUCH better now, lost weight, my skin is clearer, my MIND is much clearer. This means I can make better choices about what is right for me and what is not - and have the confidence to say so. I am truly PRESENT with my kids and get so much more joy from life!
I want to pay that forward. If you want better for you, better for your family, better for your career or business - and suspect that alcohol might be the thing holding you back - schedule a free breakthrough session and let’s explore. You CAN make alcohol small and irrelevant in your life - leaving you the space and freedom to really go after the life you WANT.